Just exhausted...

B2 watching Barney as I'm typing this

Baron sleeping with us (not cute)

I'm exhausted. Little one is small but mighty and is kicking my butt.  For me to be typing on  here now I had to place him in his exerciser and put the video of Barney on. B2 ( as my friend affectionately calls my son) and I are are attached to the hip. He comes with me to the bathroom and if I even leave out of his eye sight, he screams. I hope that's normal because if not I guess I'll need to put some money away for the shrink now. Either way I think I've come a long way because he wasn't even sleeping in his own space last month and now this month he will LAY in his crib by himself and sleep at night in his pack n' play. I'm just tired and I guess he senses it. When I yawn, he always throws me a smile here and there.  I would perfer to get a full night sleep but his smiles do help me get through the day.



Anyway, I'm neurotic. I've come to terms with it so I;m just going to accept who I am. This moment i'm freaking out about my nose. Its bigger than it was before I was pregnant and I don't know what to do. I know I still have wieght to lose but for right now I have what I read to be a "bulbous" nose. If it doesn't go down in a year the only thing I can do for it is Rhinoplasty. I asked Mr (husband) if I could get the procedure and he ignored me and continued talking about ribs. I think i'll cook a nice dinner and ask then.

The second thing I'm worried about is a study that came out by a Psychiatrist that says that have other care givers for your son will teach him to be a womanizer. So does that mean if I go back to work ( when I have baby #2), I would be setting him/her  up for failure? 

Could a nanny turn your boy into a womanizer?

Just like Mary Poppins, they have a reputation for bringing fun and warmth into children's lives.
But beware - because apparently a nanny's influence could turn your baby boy into a womaniser when he grows up.
A leading psychiatrist says that handing childcare responsibilities to a nanny or au pair can introduce a boy to the idea of 'the other woman'.
Dennis Friedman, a fellow of the Royal College of Psychiatrists, said: 'It creates a division in his mind between the woman he knows to be his natural mother and the woman with whom he has a real hands-on relationship: The woman who bathes himand takes him to the park and with whom he feels completely at one.

As a result, he grows up with the idea that although he will go through all the social and sexual formalities of marriage, he will have at the back of his mind this notion of the other woman, who not only knows but caters for all his needs.'In his book An Unsolicited Gift: Why We Do What We Do, Dr Friedman examines the close bond between mother and child and concludes that how a baby is treated in its first 12 months creates a blueprint for his or her future personality.

In the case of a boy left with a nanny soon after birth, this could lead to him seeking out affairs in adulthood, particularly after he becomes a father herself.
But he claims that a baby girl entrusted to a nanny or au pair is more likely to search for solace elsewhere, using drugs or alcohol to fill the 'vacuum of need'.
Dr Friedman, a specialist in family, marital and parenting issues, said: 'It provides a fulfilment that is an illusion but at least it momentarily compensates for what you haven't' had.'
He believes the love - or lack of it --experienced before a child can walk or talk can affect career choices made years later.
An anaesthetist for instance, may choose to work with the unconscious because he expects his words to fall on deaf ears, just as they did during his childhood. But a barrister may have been brought up to feel that affection and approval are earned not given.
Dr Friedman said: 'The first year or life is terribly important because that is the time that the baby bonds with the mother. She has tremendous influence on what her baby is going to be later on.
'In the real world, people can't be with their babies all the time. But for the first few weeks, and I think six months, the mother should aim for there not being anyone else coming between the two of them.'

Evil tooth.

Dear tooth,

You've been tormenting my son's gums for a month and half now and this needs to stop. Because of you, I went from getting 6 hours of sleep down to 4. You know he doesn't take a pacifier which means I nurse him around the clock to comfort him from the pain you inflict. My nipples are numb and I know things will only get worse when you finally make your appearance. So cut the crap and cut through the damn gum already so we get this over with.

Thanks again!

Baron's Mom. 

"Motherhood is like Albania-- you can't trust the descriptions in the books, you have to go there."-- Marni Jackson

OH hello friend,

Its been so long since I’ve written anything but I’m here now. Yesterday was my first mothers day and I loved it. I didn’t get pampered as much as I would have liked but either way it was nice. I wish it was mothers week so I can neglect my duties for just another couple of days. My mothers day gift was a complete overhaul of our yard. I figure we can’t afford new windows right now so why not  buy some flowers instead.
Today though has started off a little rough. Little man and myself were fighting for space in the bed all last night. His nighttime behavior has light  a fire under my ass to get his nursery finished so can sleep in his own space. He's determined to sleep like a star fish which makes our king size bed feel like a twin. Its funny how I'm struggling for space in bed and yet my husband sleeps peaceful throughout the night. Then around 11am I was excited about starting a sewing project ( making an apron) and little man just wouldn’t take a nap. I nursed him four times ( my boobs do hurt)  before he dozed off. Now I can’t sew but I figured I could go outside enjoy the weather and read. Well for whatever reason  the dogs are barking loud and when I go outside they only bark louder.  I will go to the only place where true peace can be observed in this place, and that's my bedroom bathroom.


Also did I mention that little man had a runny diaper this morning that had poop on his arm and chest?

The one on the left is the before and the one on the right is the after.

“All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” -Raymond Hull

Hello Blog,

Well my weekend was ok but it could always be worse so I'm grateful for that. I can't type long because I have a mess of a house to clean. My mother always told me growing up never keep a mess bigger than a five minute cleanup. Well my house is a straight  90 min mess. Since my husband is reading this, I gotta go.

Tonight for dinner:

Panko Pork Chops

The key to keeping pork chops moist and light is the cooking time and temperature. Once done, a slight, warm tinge of pink color through the center is considered safe to eat. This recipe calls for a ’barbeque sauce’ of sorts, these chops can also be served with Thai Sweet Chili Sauce and Jasmine rice for a complete meal.

For the Pork Chops:

• 4 boneless pork loin chops, about 1" thick and trimmed of fat
• ¼ cup vegetable oil
• 1 cup panko breadcrumbs
• ¼ cup all-purpose flour
• 1 egg, slightly beaten
• Kosher salt
• Freshly ground black pepper

For the Sauce:

• ½ cup ketchup
• 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
• 1 tablespoon brown sugar

• Rinse chops well and pat dry with paper towels. Set aside on large plate.
• Place flour, egg, and panko, each in separate shallow bowls. Dip pork chops into flour shaking off excess well and then egg just to coat. Lay chop in panko, pressing to adhere on both sides. Return chop to plate and season both sides with salt and pepper while you coat remaining chops.
• In a large non-stick skillet, heat oil over medium heat. Add chops, and cook until golden brown and cooked through, about 6-7 minutes per side. Transfer to a paper-towel-lined plate and allow to rest while you make the sauce.
• To make the sauce: In a small bowl, combine ketchup, Worcestershire sauce, and brown sugar, stirring well to combine. Taste for seasoning and adjust as needed. Serve with pork chops on the side.

"A mother who is really a mother is never free." Honore de Balzac

Hello! It's been a while, yea I know but so many things have been going on making blogging a low priority. Lately I've been struggling with my identity of mother. I feel like I lost myself with that last push on December 20th. I'm no longer the feisty incredibly sexy Sasha, instead I'm Baron's mom or Brandon's wife. Suddenly my needs are placed on the back burner and my world revolves around them. Instead of my husband asking me how my day was, he says "how's Baron?" The same thing being asked by my mother on a daily basis via the telephone. The only variation to "How's Baron?"
is "What's for dinner?".
How do I find peace you may ask? I hide in the bathroom. I sometimes sit there until my legs are numb and I have to grab on to a towel rack for assistance getting up. It's the only place I'm safe from my son who lacks the ability to sit independently much less look for me. My husband usually assumes I'm having stomach problems and stays clear giving me15 minutes of bliss . Oh course retail therapy works and oh boy would Gandhi be disappointed. Since I have yet to regain my confidence to buy clothes, my new hobby is to immerse myself in plants. I know it's a hobby that seems harmless but when you add up five buck here and ten dollars there, you've spent over fifty dollars on something that's purely for aesthetics. My house also looks like a greenhouse now due to this obsession of buying plants!
My question is how do I balance the needs of my family and my own? Will I ever be that person I thought to be feisty mamacita again or am I destined to mom jeans and a minivan forever?


**Note: yesterday I got out for a bit and bought 5 new plants, one being an Orchard.
I really need help people.

BLAH

Hello blog! Its been a couple of days but I'm back. Well my quest to stop buying junk has commenced. I think Ghandi would be proud. I did purchase two house plants. Since having the baby the body confidence has gone down a bit, so when I want to purchase things its mostly for the house. The house size always stays the same and its rare that I look at something and feel bad about it.

So easter came and went and I cooked a very large Ham for the family. Yay for me but at the same time, I have to eat ham for the rest of this week. BLAH. Tonight we are having....
HAM FRIED RICE

Ingredients

• 2 teaspoons cooking oil
• 2 eggs, beaten
• 2 teaspoons cooking oil
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 4 cups cold, cooked white rice
• 1 tablespoon soy sauce
• 1/4 pound diced cooked ham

Directions

1. Heat 2 teaspoons oil in a skillet; cook the eggs in the hot oil until set, 3 to 5 minutes. Cool and slice into thin ribbons; set aside.
2. Heat 2 more teaspoons oil in a large skillet; fry the garlic in the oil, mashing it while frying until light brown and almost crispy, about 5 minutes. Add the rice and mix thoroughly until it is well blended with the garlic. Add the soy sauce and mix again; cook for 2 minutes. Stir the ham into the mixture; cook and stir another 5 minutes. Fold the sliced egg into the mixture and cook until hot, about 3 minutes.            Anyway I gotta go. Today is such a blah day. 

Paging Dr Drew....

I wonder how Dr. Drew would feel about me going to the store to buy some ingredients for Chili tonight. I know Im trying to overcome my addiction to the store but I gotta eat and so does my husband.  Tonight just feels like it should be a Chili night so I figure why not make chili.This makes me think, what would Ghandi do? Maybe I should make a bracelet with the letters..WWGD? To make up for this, I'm going to purge myself of all of the junk and trinkets in the house. I think  that should settle the score.

Here are the ingredients:

Ingredients ( serving of four)

• 13 ounces ground beef
• 3/4 (16 ounce) can kidney beans, rinsed and drained
• 3/4 (14.5 ounce) can diced tomatoes, undrained
• 3/8 (8 ounce) can tomato sauce
• 3/4 medium onions, chopped
• 3/8 green pepper, chopped
• 3/4 clove garlic, minced
• 2-1/2 teaspoons chili powder
• 3/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon pepper
• Shredded Cheddar cheese

I'm serving Corn bread and sweet tea on the said. Can we say MMMM?

In a skillet, cook beef over medium heat until no longer pink; drain. Transfer to a slow cooker. Add the next nine ingredients. Cover and cook on low for 8-10 hours or on high for 4 hours. Garnish individual servings with cheese if desired.
Anyway BABY  is waking up..gotta go.