Just exhausted...

B2 watching Barney as I'm typing this

Baron sleeping with us (not cute)

I'm exhausted. Little one is small but mighty and is kicking my butt.  For me to be typing on  here now I had to place him in his exerciser and put the video of Barney on. B2 ( as my friend affectionately calls my son) and I are are attached to the hip. He comes with me to the bathroom and if I even leave out of his eye sight, he screams. I hope that's normal because if not I guess I'll need to put some money away for the shrink now. Either way I think I've come a long way because he wasn't even sleeping in his own space last month and now this month he will LAY in his crib by himself and sleep at night in his pack n' play. I'm just tired and I guess he senses it. When I yawn, he always throws me a smile here and there.  I would perfer to get a full night sleep but his smiles do help me get through the day.



Anyway, I'm neurotic. I've come to terms with it so I;m just going to accept who I am. This moment i'm freaking out about my nose. Its bigger than it was before I was pregnant and I don't know what to do. I know I still have wieght to lose but for right now I have what I read to be a "bulbous" nose. If it doesn't go down in a year the only thing I can do for it is Rhinoplasty. I asked Mr (husband) if I could get the procedure and he ignored me and continued talking about ribs. I think i'll cook a nice dinner and ask then.

The second thing I'm worried about is a study that came out by a Psychiatrist that says that have other care givers for your son will teach him to be a womanizer. So does that mean if I go back to work ( when I have baby #2), I would be setting him/her  up for failure? 

Could a nanny turn your boy into a womanizer?

Just like Mary Poppins, they have a reputation for bringing fun and warmth into children's lives.
But beware - because apparently a nanny's influence could turn your baby boy into a womaniser when he grows up.
A leading psychiatrist says that handing childcare responsibilities to a nanny or au pair can introduce a boy to the idea of 'the other woman'.
Dennis Friedman, a fellow of the Royal College of Psychiatrists, said: 'It creates a division in his mind between the woman he knows to be his natural mother and the woman with whom he has a real hands-on relationship: The woman who bathes himand takes him to the park and with whom he feels completely at one.

As a result, he grows up with the idea that although he will go through all the social and sexual formalities of marriage, he will have at the back of his mind this notion of the other woman, who not only knows but caters for all his needs.'In his book An Unsolicited Gift: Why We Do What We Do, Dr Friedman examines the close bond between mother and child and concludes that how a baby is treated in its first 12 months creates a blueprint for his or her future personality.

In the case of a boy left with a nanny soon after birth, this could lead to him seeking out affairs in adulthood, particularly after he becomes a father herself.
But he claims that a baby girl entrusted to a nanny or au pair is more likely to search for solace elsewhere, using drugs or alcohol to fill the 'vacuum of need'.
Dr Friedman, a specialist in family, marital and parenting issues, said: 'It provides a fulfilment that is an illusion but at least it momentarily compensates for what you haven't' had.'
He believes the love - or lack of it --experienced before a child can walk or talk can affect career choices made years later.
An anaesthetist for instance, may choose to work with the unconscious because he expects his words to fall on deaf ears, just as they did during his childhood. But a barrister may have been brought up to feel that affection and approval are earned not given.
Dr Friedman said: 'The first year or life is terribly important because that is the time that the baby bonds with the mother. She has tremendous influence on what her baby is going to be later on.
'In the real world, people can't be with their babies all the time. But for the first few weeks, and I think six months, the mother should aim for there not being anyone else coming between the two of them.'

Evil tooth.

Dear tooth,

You've been tormenting my son's gums for a month and half now and this needs to stop. Because of you, I went from getting 6 hours of sleep down to 4. You know he doesn't take a pacifier which means I nurse him around the clock to comfort him from the pain you inflict. My nipples are numb and I know things will only get worse when you finally make your appearance. So cut the crap and cut through the damn gum already so we get this over with.

Thanks again!

Baron's Mom. 

"Motherhood is like Albania-- you can't trust the descriptions in the books, you have to go there."-- Marni Jackson

OH hello friend,

Its been so long since I’ve written anything but I’m here now. Yesterday was my first mothers day and I loved it. I didn’t get pampered as much as I would have liked but either way it was nice. I wish it was mothers week so I can neglect my duties for just another couple of days. My mothers day gift was a complete overhaul of our yard. I figure we can’t afford new windows right now so why not  buy some flowers instead.
Today though has started off a little rough. Little man and myself were fighting for space in the bed all last night. His nighttime behavior has light  a fire under my ass to get his nursery finished so can sleep in his own space. He's determined to sleep like a star fish which makes our king size bed feel like a twin. Its funny how I'm struggling for space in bed and yet my husband sleeps peaceful throughout the night. Then around 11am I was excited about starting a sewing project ( making an apron) and little man just wouldn’t take a nap. I nursed him four times ( my boobs do hurt)  before he dozed off. Now I can’t sew but I figured I could go outside enjoy the weather and read. Well for whatever reason  the dogs are barking loud and when I go outside they only bark louder.  I will go to the only place where true peace can be observed in this place, and that's my bedroom bathroom.


Also did I mention that little man had a runny diaper this morning that had poop on his arm and chest?

The one on the left is the before and the one on the right is the after.